Dementia can understandably cause families to concentrate on everything a person is losing.

But there is another way of looking at it.

Instead of continually asking:

“What can they no longer do?”

Ask:

“What can they still do—and how can we help them keep doing it?”

Someone may forget what happened yesterday but remember every word of an old song.

They may struggle with money but still love gardening.

They may have difficulty carrying on a complicated conversation but still laugh at a joke.

They may forget names while still recognizing that someone makes them feel safe and loved.

Those abilities matter.

Whenever possible, try to adapt an activity rather than take it away completely. Someone who can no longer prepare an entire meal might still wash vegetables, stir ingredients or set the table. Someone who once loved gardening may still enjoy watering plants, pulling a few weeds or simply sitting outside surrounded by flowers.

Familiar activities can also provide comfort. Music, photographs, favourite foods, pets, hobbies, family traditions and familiar places may create moments of connection even when memories have become difficult to access. The activity doesn’t need to be completed perfectly for it to be worthwhile.

Try not to measure every good moment by whether the person will remember it tomorrow. An experience can still have value while it is happening. A walk in the sunshine, a favourite song, holding someone’s hand or laughing together can bring genuine happiness even if the details of that moment are later forgotten.

As abilities change, expectations may need to change too. The goal isn’t to test someone’s memory or continually remind them of what they can no longer do. It’s to create opportunities for success, connection and enjoyment.

Most importantly, look for the person beyond the dementia. Their abilities may change, but their need to feel useful, included, respected and loved remains.

Sometimes the question isn’t “What has dementia taken away?” but “What can we help preserve?”